Helping the whole family cope with mental illness

Throughout my childhood my brother Tom took up much of the family energy due to his mental illness. It wasn't his fault or ours, it just happens that way in families. As I think back on how my parents dealt with the challenges there are things I think they could do better. Hindsight is 20/20, I know, and they did the best they could but for families in crisis there are always improvements to be made.

Here are 5 ways to improve the family situation in the face of a member dealing with mental dis-ease.

1. First and foremost is the importance of educating everyone about the illness. Knowledge is power so get books, talk to doctors, seek out support groups (see our resource section for ideas) and gather all the facts you can.
2. Establish a team of professionals to support not just the family member with mental illness but other members as well. These professionals can assist you in communcating with eachother, grief issues and many other things.
3. Talk to the family members about the issues. Have family meetings to talk about feelings, and problems each person is having as well as sharing possible strategies for solving them. Eventh though the family unit has changed due to the illness, be creative and continue to stay connected as a family even if it "feels different".  Allow each person to express their concerns openly and honestly.
4. Develop boundaries around the person's illness. Decide what is appropriate "helping" and what is classified as misplaced needs and "enabling" -- It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking the person cannot do things for him/herself but this is typically not the case.
5. Be aware of wellness issues. Many times families become burnt out and start avoiding and isolating personally and as a family. Take extra good care of yourself. Spend time with friends, do things you enjoy. Even if it feels like a struggle at first -- do it because in the long run it is your health and sanity that needs to be replenished so you can give to the rest of the family.

In the end, there are many challenges families face if there is mental illness in the mix. Be proactive, realize this is manageable, and keep others involved in the process.