I recently tried to convince my brotherTom to retire after many years of working many jobs. His employement history truly was a family affair. Most mental illness in the family affects everyone and ours is no different. Whether the illness is depression, phobias, or, in our case, schizoaffective disorder, employement is always a struggle. For the lucky one medication helps them live a full life. For Tom it was never that easy. He went through special training and caseworkers and wonderfully supportive work sites. Demoulas/market basket was very good to him overlooking his little problems.
Well, after many years of being a supportive sister and family member, I think it's time to throw in the towel and have Tom retire. You see, even though Tom says he wants to work, it never quite ends up that way. He goes to work for weeks then everything seems to colapse and he begins his routine of being late, not going, not wanting to do the assigned tasks, saying how stupid it is etc.. My husband and I even tried a few years ago to train and hire him to work with us in the diner, but it was not a good ending. My husband was heart broken.
While it is true that his life could be more "enjoyable" if he had a job, his life is not so bad. It consists of watching tv, visits with family members and trips to the movies. We also bought him a bike which he seldom uses. But I know he wants more. And this "more" is simply being part of something and contributing something. He was always so proud of his paychecks when he got them. And of course he complained all the time about his job(s) but so does half the population!
So I guess asking Tom to retire is our way of helping the family deal with the employment problem. If he doesn't work than we don't have to worry if he shows up clean shaven and looking spiffy. So you see, in effect, we have somewhat orchestrated his retirement because our lives are also worth living and at some point the exhaustion factor and reality sets in. And the truth is, it's a full time job to keep him in a job. Sor for now it's Red Sox Nation and day trips with your family members. We love you "T" but it's time to retire. Is there something you've been holding onto with a family member? Holding on to a desired outcome that just simply will never be........ let go it feels good.
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