It ocurred to me the other day that my mood changes slightly when I know my brother is coming to visit. Why does this always happen? Well for one thing I never really know what kind of mood and frame of mind he'll be in. He could be agitated and talking "ragtime" ( a phrase he uses, not me!) the whole weekend. Or he could be my terrific brother who enjoys the ball game and goes to see a couple movies and maybe even goes to the races with my husband. Yes -- these are all possibilities and yet the spectrum of "possible" behaviours has ME on the defensive and a little unnerved about the negative end of the spectrum.
Family members who live with the emotional ups and downs of their loved one's mental illness have an extra responsibility not to take on the illness of their loved on. As I consider my own subconscious behavior with my brother, I wonder 2 things: 1) Does my subtle behavior affect his behavior?, and 2) can I REALLY do anything to ward off the behavior I'm avoiding with him? I think it's YES and NO, respectively. After considering these factors I decide that for me I will simply take the day as it goes and make plans according to fun and enjoyment instead of "what ifs" and the gloomy thinking of "can'ts and shouldn'ts". Life is about taking risks and sometimes the personal daily risks to get outside my box of thinking and being can be the most challenging.
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