For the past 5 months I've been collecting survey responses from caregivers -- people dealing with mental illness in the family. I'm astonished at the constant theme of "self blame" and guilt that families feel about the person's illness. Almost universally, the parents feel this blame and guilt although not so much for siblings. Maybe the feelings are more hidden for siblings, I don't know.
So, if as a parent you find yourself in this predicament what are some ways to cope? Well, I cannot speak as a "parent" of someone suffering mental illness, but I do know that keeping yourself "well" is a critical component of self care throughout another's illness.
Top on my list of staying well is establishing boundaries. Although your situation may not change all that much over time, you do have control over keeping the situation in perspective through proper boundaries. Read more about this in my article on Boundaries .
My next favorite way to stay well and keep perspective is to enlist other family members to help in any way they can. For example, if you have a son or daughter who is mentally ill and who lives on their own but needs oversight, enlist family to help! For our family, my mother will take my brother shopping, my sister will clean his apartment regularly and a cleaning lady comes in to do the heavy stuff. It works beautifully. Best of all, it really takes away the guilt!
Finally, you must give weekly attention to your plans for "self care". What are you going to do "today", "this week" to treat yourself well? Will you take a long walk, call a friend or go to the movies. Maybe having a wine party with your favorite friend will keep things in perspective. I don't know what it will be for you but all of these things are ways that I keep myself well and maintain perspective of life and how you cope with your family member's illness.
I am always grateful to those who share their experience. If you would like to take a confidential survey click here: Or, if you prefer to comment at the end of this article, I love hearing from you!
Are you overwhelmed? Do you have trouble with self care? Do you wish you could say "no" more than "yes"? Sign up to receive my FREE audio series on how to set boundaries! This audio series is delivered right to your email box! Click here to sign up.
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