“Finding the energy to stay connected and why it matters to caregivers who deal with another’s mental illness”

Sometimes as caregivers, or people who live with a family member suffering mental illness, we become more solitary and closed off to others. For me, the reasons could have more to do with "saving my energy" than actually not being a friendly person. I find that caring for someone with mental illness takes a lot of energy! It often causes some family members to live a cloistered life of shame and worry. But living this way can be harmful to our own physical and mental well-being. How we spend our time is directly connected to our emotional health. Of course we need to care for our family member who suffers mental illness, BUT staying connected to others is a must for the long-term happiness and wellness of careigvers.

Poking around the Internet recently, I found a wonderful reminder of what's important. In her article "Honor Them with A Dance", Rose Desrochers reminds us to get connected. Her general thesis is don't wait until disaster strikes before you acknowledge and care about people in your life.

I say fight the automatic reaction to go into seclusion. With limited energy you might feel like you just can't get involved with people. You think you need to "save" the energy you do have for your ill family member. But the reverse is true! If you’re hiding out, consider getting out and reaching out instead, to cope with your situation. Join a club, call a friend for coffee, make a regular "send a note" night, start up a conversation with a stranger. Fight the urge to close down and, instead, bust out and offer yourself up to the world! There is a wonderful thing that happens: you get more than you give and you realize you are not alone.

I'm ashamed to say that I have forgotten to include my ill family member (my brother) on my annual Christmas card list. No, as I write this I'm horrified. But the truth is sometimes I feel so overwhelmed "by him" that I avoid connecting with him on nice occasions just to let him know I love him.

Personally, I've never been the phone type or into writing letters and cards, but there are so many other ways to stay in touch and connected. Lately I’ve been making a conscious effort to put people first. Really stop and be present for whoever I’m with. Taking time to notice people and talk with them, instead of buzzing by in a hurry to get somewhere. And I can report wonderful energy and reciprocity in my new-found approach to getting over myself and thinking about others more.

And so as I leave you today, I encourage you to think about doing one thing that extends beyond your comfort zone and reaches out beyond your situation. It's doable -- it simply takes courage and practice!

Comments

[Rose DesRochers]

I am really glad that you enjoyed my article. I wrote that thinking about my own family and how during my mother's illness many family members lost connection.

[Rose DesRochers]

I am really glad that you enjoyed my article. I wrote that thinking about my own family and how during my mother's illness many family members lost connection.

[John Adelman]

Mental Illness is Brain Disease. An illness is like a cold, you feel bad for a short time and recover with no residual or long term side effects.

Brain Disease requires much more attention than any illness. Don't forget the Neurologist in addition to Psychiatrist, Internist, and maybe talking therapy.

People with "qualifying mental challenges" have BRAIN DISEASE. Would you leave cancer, heart disease, or diabetes untreated.

The Stigma Attached to Brain Disease has most suffer when suffering is not needed.

John Adelman
Brain Disease Survivor
Susan B. Anthony Foundation
978-744-6466