My blood pressure rises, I feel full of anxiety as I bring our lunch out and sit down with by brother "T". It is a glorious day - sunny , 70 degrees in October! T has just spent a few hours raking leaves at my house. He loves coming to my house because I feed him well, he sits around the pool, cooks out, fishes and does so many other things with my husband.
As we sit peacefully at the table munching on sandwiches and Fresca, my dog, Caesar commands attention so i start throwing the ball to him. I'm looking at the blue sky with my feet propped on another chair and can't believe this day's weather.
However, too much silence is never a good thing for T. He is insistent on flashing his mantras at me: "Dodgy sucked the life out of me", or "Matt's a loser", "Papa Bear (my father) called me a loser 30 years ago". He has this uncanny ability to remember things like this but of course never remembers the good things we tell him! This inability to get beyond these focus points is part of T's mental illness. Even though I understand "he can't help it", I feel especially protective of this wonderful day. I calmly look over at T and say , "Tom, this day is too beautiful to spend it talking about "ancient history" -- a term he uses whenever he's trying to pull himself back to the here and now.
"OK, OK, I won't" he says, which is followed up by a "ma says I have to stop complaining all the time".
Now it's my turn to take action. . . . . Thank goodness there is more raking to be done because I feel this conversation might have peaked. If you feel your blood pressure rising, do something to better manage your situation, install a boundary so others (including the family member who suffers mental illness) will know how to act around you.
If you find yourself struggling to protect your turf in the presence of others who suffer mental illness ----SIGN UP FOR MY FREE 7 PART AUDIO COURSE on" Boundaries " delivered to your email box weekly
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