For the past few weeks I've been teaching a goal setting program. This week the topic was "fear" and how it can keep you from achieving your goals. Do you have a goal that has been sitting on the shelf for years? Maybe you want to train for a road race…become a kayak expert…change careers? My own experience suggests that individuals who deal with mental illness in the family often get stuck and stop evolving because of the situation around them. I’ve felt afraid to move on, knowing that my brother will always be where he is. I’d be leaving him behind. We can become paralyzed by fear, and miss opportunities for our own personal growth. When fear rules, we live to survive, not thrive.
Susan Jeffers writes beautifully about the subject of "fear". In her book "Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway", she reminds us that the "doing" comes before the "feeling better". How to work through fear is the question -- and it’s especially difficult when dealing with a family member with mental illness, because mental illness brings in so many unpredictables. I typically go into various thought patterns prior to "doing" anything related to my brother Tom. Why do I do this? Well, I think it's because I'm "afraid" that I'll do or say the wrong thing, and possibly spoil a calm moment! Mental illness is unpredictable, and I’m afraid to rock the boat.
The truth is everyone experiences fear and it never goes away completely. Yes, things often get easier over time, but there will always be an element of fear when we are pushing ourselves to do better, to grow, and evolve as a person. Jeffers reminds us that if we have faith in ourselves to handle whatever comes up, we can diminish and work through that fear. What a wonderful reminder to take risks, with the self-confidence that we can handle it!
Evolving and growing while your family member is dealing with emotional issues is difficult to be sure. But dealing with and managing fear is part of life in general. Those of us with mental illness in our families may just get an extra dose. Jeffers reminds us that we must take risks in order to expand our self worth and live a full life. So take a minute right now and ask yourself: "How can I get outside my comfort zone today?" Maybe calling someone who intimidates you, or dealing with an unresolved situation, or even investigating a new career. These actions will bolster your self-confidence which, in turn, can do wonders for your own well-being. When you keep growing you increase your ability to care for yourself – and for others. It’s worth it.
If you are inspired to take action please share your journey with everyone by commenting on this blog.
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